How can I help someone in need?
How to help yourself if the situation gets our of control
What to do when the person is a family member

How can I help someone in need? (back to top)

(Taken from Moorhead State University's Counseling Center page)

• Simply listening to your friend voice concerns can be very helpful. However, it is crucial to listen without judging. Telling people they must be stupid or crazy only "helps" them to feel bad about themselves or to choose more ineffective behavior. Instead, you can try asking if your friend's current behavior is helping your friend achieve goals.
  
• You can also help by finding out more about the problem(s) your friend is having. Learning about your friend's problems can help you better support to your friend and yourself. If your friend is already seeking help for a problem, you can talk to your friend about the problem. You can also talk to a counselor, a physician, a clergy member, or read literature about the type of problems your friend has. Seeking information on your own can be important even if your friend is not seeking help. Again, learning as much as you can about your friend's condition may assist you in getting your friend necessary help.
  
• Encouraging your friend to seek counseling is also very important if your friend is not already getting help. Many people do not seek counseling because they fear being labeled as "crazy", or because they believe they should be able to handle problems on their own. Showing your friend that counseling is a way of helping ourselves can encourage resistant people to seek the help they may need.
  
• If your friend may be thinking about suicide, it is especially critical that they get professional help. This is not something you should try to handle by yourself. You may need to contact your RA, RD, the University Counselor or Campus Security.
  
• Also remember to be patient when helping your friend. Even self-damaging behaviors such as abusing alcohol may be "helping" your friend cope with life's problems. Realizing that harmful behaviors really aren't helping takes a lot of courage; your friend may need time to decide to seek help in overcoming life's problems.

How to help yourself if the situation gets out of control:(back to top)

One thing you can do to help yourself is to set boundaries (or limits) for interaction with your friend. For example, you may have a friend who calls you late at night on a regular basis. You could set a limit by telling your friend that you will not take calls after a given time (such as midnight); if your friend calls after this given time, you can say it's too late for conversation and suggest a time when you can be available.

If you have a friend that gets verbally abusive, you can help yourself by refusing to argue with your friend and/or by walking away from your friend. When leaving, you can also tell your friend that you will be willing to talk when your friend can do so without yelling, name-calling, shaming, criticizing, etc.

If your friend is physically abusive, it is vital that you create an escape route. For example, arrange to see the person only in public places. However, it is advisable not to come in contact with a person who becomes physically violent with you.

You can also help yourself by creating a support system. Talking to trusted friends, a clergy member, or a counselor can give you much needed moral support.

What to do when the person in need is a family member:(back to top)

All of the information in the sections listed above can or must be used if you are to help yourself or your family member through trying times. For example, setting up a support network of friends, counselors, and clergy members is important to your mental well-being. Using the conflict resolution model, refusing to argue with an emotionally abusive person, and setting limits are some of the important steps you may have to take. Again, it is vital to create escape routes if you are in a potentially physically threatening setting.