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General Questions about People who are GBLT
Being attracted to someone of the same sex can be frightening so frightening that you may deny your feelings, or throw yourself into dating the opposite sex, just to prove you are not gay or lesbian. But then the feelings come up again. You try to put them out of your mind but you can't. Finally, you stop resisting, and in that instant, your world changes. You discover that being with someone of the same sex feels better than being with the opposite sex ever did. But what will this mean for the rest of your life? Certainly life is more challenging if you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. It requires that you develop the courage to honor your own experience of love above anyone else's judgments about it. But you can do it. Millions of people have, and many say it was the best thing they ever did. What does it mean to be gay? (back to top) Men who call themselves gay are sexually attracted to and fall in love with other men. Their sexual feelings toward men are normal and natural for them. These feelings usually emerge when they are boys and continue into adulthood. It is said that one out of ten people is gay or lesbian. This means that in any large group of people, there are usually several gay people present. However, you cannot tell if someone is gay unless he or she wants you to know. Although gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people blend in with the crowd, they often feel different from other people. How do I know if I'm gay? (back to top) You may not know what to call your sexual feelings. You don't have to decide how to label yourself right now. Our sexual identities develop over time. Most adolescent boys are intensely sexual during the years around puberty, usually between 11 and 15, when their bodies start changing and their hormones are flowing in new ways. Your sexual feelings may be so strong that they are not directed toward particular persons or situations, but seem to emerge without cause. As you get older you will figure out who you are and to whom you're attracted. Boys and men who are gay find that over time their attraction to boys and men gets more clearly focused. You may find yourself falling in love with a classmate or developing a crush on a particular man. You may find these experiences pleasurable, troubling, or a mix of the two. By age 16 or 17, many gay, lesbian, bi, and trans young people start thinking about what to call themselves, while others prefer to wait. If you are ready to learn more, start by reading. Please know that not all books about gay people are supportive. You may also call the UCLA LGBT Campus Resource Center where you can talk about your feelings anonymously and where you will receive information about organizations and people who can help. What does it mean to be a lesbian? (back to top) Lesbians are women who love women. They are women who are sexually attracted to other women. They may feel emotionally and spiritually closer to women. One out of ten teenagers is lesbian or gay. Many famous women in history were lesbians. Lesbians may be teachers, doctors, lawyers, police officers, politicians, ministers, movie stars, mothers, nuns, truck drivers, models, athletes. Lesbians are in all races, religions, ethnicities and socioeconomic classes. Some lesbians are in heterosexual marriages. Some are disabled. Lesbians are young women and old women. Lesbians are everywhere. What is Bisexuality? (back to top) Bisexuality is the potential to feel sexually attracted to and to engage in sensual or sexual relationships with people who are either male or female. A bisexual person may not be equally attracted to both sexes, and degrees of attraction may vary over time. Self perception is the key to a bisexual identity. Many people engage in sexual activity with people of both sexes, yet do not identify as bisexual. There is no behavioral "test" to determine whether or not one is bisexual. How Common is Bisexuality? (back to top) It is not easy to say how common bisexuality is, since little research has been done on this subject. Most studies on sexuality have focused on heterosexuality or homosexuality. Studies conducted by Kinsey in the 1940s and 1950s hypothesized that as many as 15 25% of women and 33-46% of men may be bisexual based on their activities or attractions. Bisexuals are in many ways a hidden population. In our culture, it is generally assumed that a person is either heterosexual (most frequently) or homosexual (based on appearance or behavioral clues). Because bisexuality does not fit into these standard categories, it tends to be denied or ignored. When it is recognized, bisexuality is often viewed as being "part heterosexual and part homosexual", rather than being a unique identity. Bisexuality threatens the accepted way of looking at the world by calling into question the validity of rigid sexual categorization, and encourages acknowledgment of the existence of a diverse range of sexuality. Since there is not a stereotypical bisexual appearance or way of acting, bisexuals are usually assumed to be either heterosexual or homosexual. In order to increase awareness, bisexuals have begun to create their own visible communities. What does Transgender mean? (back to top)
4 categories:
Crossdressers (preferred over transvestite) - people who wear clothes and assume the identity of a gender other than that assigned to them at birth. Usually crossdressing is not done on a full time basis, Crossdressing is done for a number of personal reasons: to lend a sense of completeness to one's Identity, to express a feminine/masculine side of personality, to express oneself erotically, etc. Intersexuals (preferred over hermaphrodite) - people who are born with genitals of both sexes (ranging in degree); often an infant who is born intersexed will be surgically altered to represent one gender. Unfortunately, this is done before the child has had a chance to express which gender he or she is or would choose to be. To learn more about Intersexuality, go to the ISNA website. Multi-gendered (or sometimes bi-gendered, Third Gender, etc.) - those who reject the over-simplicity of a polarized, two-gender system: often believe that there are a multiplicity of genders which are fluid in expression. Transgender is an umbrella term used to describe people who do not fit into traditional gender categories, including transsexuals, transvestites or crossdressers, intersexuals (formerly called hermaphrodites), and sometimes even people who identify as butch or femme. A transgendered person is someone whose gender identity or expression differs from conventional expectations of masculinity or femininity. Gender Identity is one's internal sense of being male or female, and for most people, there is no conflict between gender identity and their physical sex. However, transgendered people grow up questioning their gender identity, which differs from their physical sex. Although transgendered people have been part of every culture and society in recorded human history, they have only recently become the focus of medical science. Many medical researchers now believe that transgenderism is rooted in complex biological factors that are fixed at birth. This research confirms what transgendered people know and experience on a much more personal basis, that being transgendered is not a choice nor a "lifestyle," but an uninvited personal dilemma. People who are transgender face discrimination in their jobs, churches, and schools, as well as judgment from their friends, families and coworkers. Unlike many who are members of minorities related to sexual orientation, a transgender person may not be able to choose who they come out to. Their physical appearance may automatically "out" them. People who are transgender have issues similar and dissimilar to the lesbian and gay rights movement. Both gays and transgender people have issues related to coming out, relationships, community, identity, family, friends, etc. Both involve discrimination on the basis of gender and identity. For this reason, the transgender movement belongs as a distinct part of the LGB movement. Frequently, homophobic discrimination occurs because of the way a gay person presents his or her gender. Similarly, a transgender person is often discriminated against because they are perceived to be gay. Certainly there are some different issues facing the transgender community than those facing the LGB community, just as there are different issues between lesbians, gays, and bisexual people. Presenting a united front against those who do not support our lives and experiences widens our political viability, and will lead to increased civil rights for all involved. Unfortunately, there is a great deal of transphobia in the LGB community, and similarly there is a great deal of homophobia in the transgender community, just as there is both homophobia and transphobia in non-LGB/non-Transgender crowds. Most of this is simply due to ignorance. Coming Out To Yourself (back to top) Coming out means identifying yourself as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. The first and toughest person you have to reveal this to is yourself. Then you can deal with friends and family. For many people, the coming out process is difficult. But most people come out because, sooner or later, they can't stand hiding who they are any more. Once they've come out, most people admit that it feels much better to be open and honest than to lie and hide. Singer Melissa Etheridge said "People think they'll lose everything if they come out. This did not happen to me at all. In fact, everything came back tenfold." Ellen DeGeneres agreed: "For me, [coming out] has been the most freeing experience because people can't hurt me anymore." Coming out to yourself means recognizing and accepting that you're primarily attracted to the same sex. But how do you get from recognition to acceptance? It helps to talk to someone. But who? And what should you say? Coming Out to Others (back to top) Some people come out when someone asks them if they're gay or lesbian. Others make a point of pulling people aside and saying, "There's something I have to tell you." If you choose the latter option, ask yourself: "Who is the most open-minded and caring person I know who is also the least likely to be shocked, threatened or put off?" This might be a friend, a relative or a teacher. Tell that person you have questions about your sexual orientation, or you're trying to come to terms with your sexual orientation, and you'd like to talk. Say you've come to them because you trust them. If you don't already know someone like this, consider talking to a school counselor, a therapist, or a member of a gay and lesbian student group. Gay-straight alliances exist in many high schools and colleges. There are support groups at most gay and lesbian community centers. Many communities have lesbian and gay switchboards. You might seek out nearby churches or synagogues that minister primarily to lesbians and gay men. And there are many gay youth and coming out sites on the World Wide Web, including the Human Rights Campaign's National Coming Out site, which you can access through http://www.hrc.org. (taken from University of Washington GLBT website http://depts.washington.edu/asuwgblc/support/index.cgi) Resources (back to top)
BVU
Counseling Office
Online Resources:
Independent Gay Forum
The Advocate (The national gay and lesbian newsmagazine)
Human Rights Campaign: Working for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender equal rights
GLAAD: Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation
Gayscape – search tool
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